A Racing Heart


“Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.” -My man, Confucius. Genius.
Yes, what he said is genius and beautiful, wise and clever, but I can guarantee that Confucius had an easier time speaking these words than living them out. Sometimes its hard to get your heart in the place you want it to be. It often takes a lot of will, courage, and a confident grace (unless you’re like me and the only place your heart wants to be is doused in coffee and chocolate and lost in a giant bookstore). As difficult as it is to admit, sometimes I have trouble locating my heart. It seems as if one minute it’s right there with me, and the next, it’s changed it’s mind and run off.
My heart races, in a way that doesn’t involve pitter pattering and that “thump-thump” noise you get when you listen through a stethoscope. It literally races, takes jogs and speeds away without so much as a “be right back” courtesy. I can’t tell you how irksome this truly is. I recently went to Barnes & Noble (huge, HUGE shock) and was immediately drawn to a beautiful hard cover book in the discount section. Now, when I buy books, it takes me hours to decide which ones to purchase and which ones to save for later days when I have newly planted money trees in my backyard. But I also have to make sure the book is right, you know, like I would a person. Books are people, too, you know.
Anyway, I look momentarily into my heart to make sure that I truly want the book, that the book truly wants me and my stuffed bookshelf. Naturally, my heart was shouting “yes!” about this book. So I said, okay, six bucks isn’t much and the pages smell really good (I judge a book by the smell of its pages). I purchased it and left the store and began reading it immediately. The next few days I picked it up every now and then and read about three pages, until three pages became three sentences, and three sentences became three words. It was when I couldn’t get past the fourth word that I realized my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. Mind you, I’ve never given up on books this easily before. Until my heart decided to run amuck.
Now I am also beginning to wonder if, with my heart, my soul will decide to take frequent breaks from me as well. After all, aren’t the heart and soul always supposed to be together? Are they not a package? If you have my heart, you are guaranteed to know my soul on a first name basis. Right? If my heart isn’t in something, then is it possible for my soul to be? Is it possible for the heart and soul to run away from each other?

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