Crumbs of Hope

            I woke up this morning feeling ready to be my best self (I was so close to pulling a Ke$sha/P.Diddy joke, but I didn’t, for your sakes). 

Maybe it’s because it is raining outside, the temperature is cool in the sixties, and today is the first day I start learning how to get through to high school kids as a teacher. I’m listening to jazz by the fireplace in my favorite coffee shop, and I’m so ready for it all. Give me whatcha got, Life. I’m so ready for ya.

It’s a full week ahead and I honestly can’t be happier about this. A schedule, at last! It’ll be wonderful looking at my watch and seeing that time is going by at a steady pace, rather than the dragging speed it tends to favor. I have a fantastically full to-do list, and to be honest, people, there’s nothing I love more than having things to do. I mean, obviously not all of these things are the kind of significant I’d like them to be (like, world-changing-significant), but I’m taking heart, here. We all start somewhere. Everyone’s mission in life starts out small. Am I right? I hope so.

What is my mission in life, you ask? Ah, yes. I ask myself this, too. The simplest way I can say it is like this: I want to help people. And I’ve always said that.
            “What do you want to do when you grow up, Kerry?”
            “Help people.” Simple. As. That.

For a while, it was medical school and wanting to learn to be a doctor (Holy crap, thank you God for not letting that be). Then it was writing…well, now and forever it is writing. And soon to be: teaching. Yes, the one profession I always promised, to myself and surrounding folk, that I would never touch, I am currently pursuing. In all seriousness, I couldn’t be any more certain about this decision. I’m so excited, to spread my excitement to a younger generation about literature and writing and expressing oneself. And to give out detention!....Totally kidding. I’m not in this for the power. I’m in this…to help people. To guide, to educate. To o p e n some eyes.

Five—heck, even two—years ago, I would never had guessed that I would be taking classes for my teaching certificate. I never paid attention to God’s signs, the clues He was giving me, in an attempt to tug me in the right direction. I brushed it off like crumbs from my morning bagel. Back then, God was just another minuscule part of my life. I didn’t have time to see that God was just trying to help me when I needed it most. He was trying to tell me something, and what did I do? I ate the bagels and paid the crumbs no attention. Great, Kerry. You silly bagel fiend.

While I could have come to this realization that teaching high school is what I want and am meant to do years ago, say, while I was still in college, I didn’t. I ignored God’s tug, like a busy mother ignores her child’s pull at her elbow. And that’s how God is, I think. He’s subtle, like a child; He pulls at every elbow, and sometimes we’re too busy to feel it, myself included.

So, let’s make our elbows available. Let’s follow the direction of that tug we feel every now and then. Let’s make something of the crumbs we brush off of ourselves.

            And, if we do anything right, let it be the openness of our hearts, rather than the fullness of our to-do lists. 

3 comments:

  1. Kerry, this is beautiful. I can tell by the words that you write that you will be such an inspiring high school teacher. I'm so excited for you!

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  2. Good luck, Kerry! I have yet to find my calling in life, but I can only hope to be as lucky as you one day :)

    xoxo, Nali

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  3. Should have cracked the P.Diddy joke!

    Nothing like a good sit in a coffee shop to take stock of your life. I'm really impressed that you've found a destination on life's journey - keep at it, nothing worth having is easy.

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