It's Halloween: So What if You're Scared?

            I’m going to be real honest in this post. Like, reeeeeal honest. Abe Lincoln wouldn’t even know what to do with himself.

I recently asked a friend what his biggest fear was, knowing that yes, it was probably too personal of a question or not personal enough—that funny in between thing. After I typed the question, it kept running through my mind. Dear God, how many answers I have for that one. I’m what you would call, oh, I don’t know…..the biggest lily livered, always in a dither, anxious, I-don’t-want-to-take-the-risk kind of girl. It’d take me all day to answer a question regarding what my most feared parts of life are. I’m too scared to even fully answer the question (see what I mean?).

Besides watching horror movies through the cracks of my fingers and refusing to descend into my basement alone, there’s one thing that has always brought a sickening feeling to my stomach—the dark. I kid you not. You are probably laughing, and actually I am too, because it’s one of the silliest things about me. I have to have some sort of light on in my room before I go to bed. I have a reading light that I keep on until I feel okay about shutting it off. And then—the dark settles around me like a thick blanket. I have to shut my eyes immediately in order to cope with it, otherwise I’ll start seeing Monsters, Inc. creatures emerging from the closet. If my cat wasn’t always at the end of my bed to keep me company, I’d probably die of a heart attack.

But, (per usual), I’m going to take this a bit further—analyze it like I did chapters in my undergraduate Modern Short Story class. Why am I so utterly, teeth-chatteringly terrified of the dark? The kids I babysit for are decades younger and they laugh at me when I ask if they want a nightlight.

The dark, to me, is the unknown. I don’t know what the heck is lingering in it, and odds are you don’t either. I can’t stand the not knowing, and the swiftness of my heart paired with the sweaty palms lets me know just how scared I am of it. When I don the turban and sit down in front of my crystal ball, I can barely breathe, because I don’t see a thing. I don’t know what’s coming for me, who’s out there at this very moment that will one day become my very reason for existing. I couldn’t tell you what’s going to happen to you or I or the rest of the world in the next few days, and, Mother of God, that’s the scariest thing I can think of. So, you see? I don’t think being scared of the dark is as irrational as it sounds. (The basement, well, that’s another story…)

            I think it’s safe to say we’re all scared of the dark, to some extent. Maybe you’re not greeted with anxiety attacks like I am, but I’d bet you’re not at your most comfortable, are you? 

10 comments:

  1. Sounds like me!

    My parents were away in Florida for most of the week. And, recently, I'd had a dream that someone had broken into my house.

    So, the moment night fell, I was on edge. Like, every night.

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  2. I can't remember who said this, but; all growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.

    The world can be one pretty depressing place if we succumbed.

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  3. hey! Just found you on Story of my life! So happy to be following : ) stop over and follow me to if you like!

    Kelli
    Dailypolkadots

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  4. I think your blog is brilliant. You write really well, too. I love the design, love the fonts, love love it.
    -Ashley

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  5. Hi! Just found your blog via Story Of My Life. =) You're not alone on this one! I've always had a bit of an issue with the dark. In the past, I've forced myself to just sleep in the dark and get over it... it worked, BUT now that I have a baby (and she sleeps by my side of the bed, in her bassinet) I keep my bedside lamp on all night... makes it easier to see her whenever I wake up. I can just lift my head, check on her and hit the pillow again... that one extra step of lifting my arm to turn the switch on the lamp is waaay too time consuming ... or is it just that I'm secretly still more content when there's a light on all night? Probably the latter... but I'll blame it on the baby for now. =)

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  6. Girrrlll, I am right there with you!! I am absolutely terrified of the dark. I find myself switching on and off lights as I make my way through my house from the bathroom to my bedroom in the middle of the night. My husband makes fun of me, but it's the fear of the unknown. And, it doesn't help with all the stupid scary movies I've seen…

    Found your blog from Jenni's!!
    xoxo

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  7. loving your blog! i came over from Story of my Life!
    xox dana
    thewonderforest.com

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  8. came over from jenni's blog, love your writing!

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  9. I was terrified of the dark until I got married and now have someone to sleep with each and every night. And now on the rare occasion that I must sleep alone, I'm even more afraid than before... I bring my dog in to the bed and cry myself to sleep. My husband actually recently hired someone to travel for him recently because it really was that bad. Did I mention I'm 25? Yes. The shame. (PS Found your blog today during a blog reading binge... I think I linked over from Story of My Life but I'm not 100% sure)

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  10. I have always and still am very afraid of the dark. It's as if the moment you shut off the lights all the scary things suddenly appear. You KNOW that nothing is there, but the minute it's dark then something is.

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