I'll Track Down the Internet Inventor and Dish Out Some Hugs


I learned some very important things this past weekend, and I need to write them all down before they go fleeting from my mind—that’s been happening all too frequently as of late.


           
            {Lesson number 1}: My friends think I am a cynic when it comes to that fateful topic of l o v e and the mushy gushy stuff. Okay, clearly I realize that I’m not the biggest advocate for relationships right now, and that I tend to focus and re-focus on all the negative experiences that I’ve had. But honestly, who can blame me? It’s nothing new to be pessimistic when you’re single and taking a much needed break from the Xs and Os. It’s easy to be positive when you’ve got hearts in your eyes.

            Obviously they’re right—that’s why they’re my best friends. And yes, I suppose I need to work on my attitude. After all, no one is attracted to someone who is all doubts and pouts, and spends their days filling sentences with phrases like “never going to happen” and “I refuse to believe that exists for me.” I don’t even know how people put up with me. I don’t waste more than .5 seconds before exclaiming,“Oh, I’ll never get married.” I’m going to try, try try try try try, to start believing what people tell me: that there is a man out there for me, and that it’s possible for someone else to like me for me. Fingers crossed.

            {Lesson number 2}: I can’t let my nerves hold me back from my dreams. I don’t like to talk about it much, but my anxiety has been through the roof recently. {Mental note to cut back on the Starbuck’s.} In the past, I had two chauffeurs, and it took me many years to get the courage to fight for the wheel. Anxiety hogged the driver’s seat, while fear read the directions from a map. And me? Little old me in the back seat would go wherever they took me, and it was never where I wanted to be. I wanted big things, but those two would just shake their heads and tell me,

            “Sorry—no can do.”

            I’m not sure that I’ll ever be able to get that ratty duo out of the car all together, but they know now who rules the wheel. However, they’ve been itching for the front seat again, and I’m getting tired of fighting them off. I’ve given up so many dreams before, and these two—getting my teaching certificate and getting into an MFA program—are worth fighting for.  It may be a white-knuckle drive for a while.

            {Lesson number 3}: Being a blogger has helped me tremendously through this transition period of moving back home after college. This morning as I was straightening my hair {I slept on it funny last night}, I realized something: I only really keep in touch with a few close friends from college. That was upsetting. I mean, of course I realized that things would change after graduation. But I never would have thought that not seeing or hearing from people that I saw every single day would affect me so much. And then I think to myself that these people probably don’t feel the same way. Or maybe they do.

            What I’m saying is, thanks. To the blogosphere, to the friends I’ve met via blogging, twitter, what have you, I can’t tell you how incredible it is. I mean, I really should track down the inventor of the Internet or twitter or Blogger and just give them a hug. 

7 comments:

  1. Hugging the inventor of the Internet = you and me both, girl. The blogosphere is just full of beautiful connections. Can't say enough!

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  2. loved this, and your blog, and that picture :)
    all beautiful

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  3. Love the post. I think at some point we need to stop worrying about the future and just enjoy the present and it's journey. Things tend to fall in your lap when you stop chasing them.

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  4. Lesson number 2: true true true. Wow. Have I struggled with that in the past.

    New follower! :)

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  5. i constantly wish i could give blogger a hug :) hehe

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  6. I totally resonate with lesson 3. I graduated in July and moved home for 6 months. I guess we only stay in touch with the best ones. The trick is finding new ones in a post-college setting. It's tough! But we can do it!! :)

    www.whosaustin.blogspot.com

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