You’ve got to wine and dine him.
Before all else, you’ve got to introduce yourself to your green-eyed friend. Offer out your hand and let him know that, sorry, he is no longer invisible to you. You’ve caught his green eyes peeking at you throughout the day. If you’re like me, you want to get those eyes outta here.
Instead of twisting his arm and throwing him to the ground, yelling threats of poking his eyeballs out and tripping him up when he tries to follow you around, let him speak first. Hear his explanations. Figure out why this green guy plagues us humans so damn much.
He’ll probably talk for a long time and you’ll definitely be clenching your fists, but trust me—it’s important to get to know him and why he’s all up in your space. Only then can you really get him to leave.
He might say that you’re surround by perfection; perfect people with perfect lives in which everything works out just perfectly. And you? Well you are certainly far from the capital P. You are so far away you shouldn’t even know what that P stands for. These people around you didn’t have to go through much to get what they wanted; in fact, they didn’t have to go through practically anything at all because guess what? It just landed in their laps. And here you sit without having figured out what exactly it is you want to land in your lap in the first place.
Now’s the time to speak up (but do keep the fists at bay), and put this fellow in his place. Tell him this: what he speaks of, that perfection he sees? It is a front. It’s what he chooses to see, and even if things do appear to be fine and dandy for these people, then maybe they deserve it. Just because he didn’t see them work hard to get where they’re at does not mean that they skipped that process entirely. More than likely they’ve been working hard for years, and in fact, your life philosophy just happens to revolve around the idea that good people actually do deserve good, if not great, things.
Let him know that you see his point, but frankly, you could do without it. In your life, in this space you like to call your own, he can’t be here anymore. He’s been following you around much too much recently and you can’t, won’t, take him stepping on your heels any longer, especially since the weather’s been so nice for flip-flops recently.
Sorry guy—them’s the rules.
Because the only green you need in your life is that traffic light hanging above your head. Go get ‘em.